poeticchaos's Xanga

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 02:36:09 GMT

well people I decided to get a new Xanga site ... I am now tillseptemberends ....I just needed to start something new ....yay for turning over a new leaf :)....so yeah...I'll keep this one up for awhile ...but I won't check it as much though ...sorry ..

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 14:00:31 GMT

so I am here in Gulfport Mississippi and it is sweltering hot and I am covered in bug bites...and sunburnt ...well at least the pain is worth it because I would do anything for these people down here . The destruction is terrible , a lot worse than what I expected . Our group has done so much ..we've made it more livable for these people and by the look on their faces and the many blessings they have bestowed upon us .. it is all worth to see them smiling again. The work has been extremely hard but for the lord it is worth the sickness and heat.
those in Indiana...well I envy you because it's nice and cool down there ... I don't like the heat anymore ...lol

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 02:14:12 GMT

sometimes I wonder ........ I still feel this grief , a sadness that seems to control . I am renewed yet I am suffering....WHY? because it is his will... I am sensitive and scarred , I pick up on things that some people don't seem to notice ... details are the authority in my life .... unfortuantly .... I am consumed by imperfection and a wanting to be noticed....noticed for what though? I am meek , a quiet little mouse that hides in the corner... I occasionally speak ... these words though are more formulated than they use to be .... what's in my heart does not always come out of my mouth...... will I ever be good enough? Yes I am slow.....my mind is capable but yet my soul is still battered .. will I ever rise above the world and it's opinion of me .... I do not know...all I can say is it's in GOD'S hands..... My intelligence lacks charisma , which I really don't care ...because I want to be accepted for I am.... I know that I am just child among my friends ... I lack maturity ....my child like faith though keeps me close to HIM but yet my flesh wants to pull away.....

I am a thrifty

short haired Women

no longer a girl

yet I still have

a CHILD LIKE

persona

my feet still drag

my mind still daydreams

in my world though

flowers wilt

the sky is like an

oil painting

blotchy and black

as night

thick

with Mold

but

through this Darkness

there is Light

I am just going through

the STORM

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 02:33:41 GMT

"Awake , O sleeper,

rise up from the dead,

and CHRIST will give you light"

May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand , as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how deep his love really is .

Ephesians 3:17-18

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 14:23:50 GMT

I thought these were pretty funny when I saw them on LibranPoetess xanga...they are so very true!!! ... and I am making fun of myself ...yay!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 04:58:37 GMT

If only I could.....

SPEAK

LAUGH

CRY

SING

I am shaken

broken

despaired

Lord you have brought me to my knees

I pierced my ear tonight

out of Desperation

without

Blood

I turned around and said no

to my addiction

I turned it inward

and screamed from the outside in

Speak up or you will never be

heard

NOTICED

You will

always be

Alone

if you never

REACH out

Live

Die

that's your choice

but remember

GOD Is With you

so you better shape up

or the DEVIL will get ya

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 16:17:27 GMT

Life

death

memories mistaken

forgotten actions

shattered dreams

innocence tainted

why is it that we even try ?

my child like self has evaporated

questionable feelings linger

I remain still under this fig tree

waiting

covered with scars

but never wishing

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 02:37:48 GMT

these desperate wailings

my breathing extinguished to a gasp

long awaited disires mocking flesh

my needs overshadow my love for CHRIST

thoughts mimick my graceful steps

even though the shadows have disappeared

the eyes still remain

my renewal through my father

the cleansing of his power

doubt visits

but is released

I wear a pewter cross

a reminder

a glimpse into my future

HOPE

forever my salvation

this GOD of creation

has brought me to my knees

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 02:31:55 GMT

these scars are still evident

now I am awaked by a new noise

no more bump in the night

or chains on my bed

I have broken fears firm grasp

my skin no longer stings

my eyes are finally focused

no more blurred vision

I am seeing for the first time

I am now a CHILD OF THE ALMIGHTY GOD

by the blood that was spilt

his sacrafice has renewed my spirit

now I finally have HOPE

I am finally BROKEN

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 02:45:30 GMT

Fusion was amazing tonight because it ignited such a longing in me to be more self-sacrifical and being more others oriented. I have tried the bullhorn approach before and the feedback I that I have gotten from it was not pleasent . Telling people that if they don't repent their sins they are going to hell is not exactly what I call a good method to sharing God's love.It's more like showing people that God is always ticked or something and he likes takeing revenge on us idiot humans . I am not good at sharing my faith because I am a fairly new christian so I don't exactly know how to approach people . Being an introvert does not help either because I always tend to wait for people to talk to me instead of approaching others. It seems at times that what comes out my mouth is not what is in my head and that is so frustrating because I just tend to wait around wishing that something would happen . Of course it never does because I am supposed to be doing the approaching ! So I end up blaming God ..Sometimes I never to stop to look deeper ..

It's hard not being in control of my life but it's something that I have sacrificed in order to be made new . God's love is so much deeper than any love I will ever recieve from a mere human being . He keeps me going , because I know that without him I would be living a meaningless life and I wouldn't be able to see the beauty that is truly in world despite it's ugliness. My daily walk is rough and for the longest time I was so disillusioned and my thinking was not where it was supposed to be. I know that I have rough times ahead and that I will feel like cursing God but I know that through my suffering I will grow closer to him and through it all will come a true happiness that is beyond my human understanding.

Lately Satan has been attacking my mind and it's very hard to resist at times but now that I have the weapons to fight him I know that God will be with me through all my battles. Like today for example I had a breakdown for really no reason and a thought came to my head ..."Aimee God will forgive you if you end your life, it's ok to end the pain" It scared me because I knew that it was an attack from Satan but that I actually considered doing for no reason. Satan can appear as an angel of light but I know that he is shrouded in darkness , I can see through his deception. I am fine now don't worry :) But it was crazy because it was so sudden and than I end up taking someone words and twisting them around to sound like they were yelling at me ... It's amazing how clever Satan is but he does not a grip on my soul anylonger so I don't why he even tries ... I am frustrated !

I have a lot to work on , and I am so happy that I am at the point that I am at now . I am growing and people have seen that growth which is really exciting for me . I am finally a child of God which is absolutly amazing .